God remembered Rachel

I realized once I started losing weight how much my being overweight affected the lives of my children. Our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints , sponsors "The Addiction Recovery" program that follows the 12 Step program but incorporates LDS beliefs. About a year before I got the opportunity to go see Lance in Missouri, and to eventually move in with Amie and her family here in Georgia, I was privileged to participate in that program. I realized then that my overeating was my addiction, and that if I wanted my will to match Heavenly Father's will for me, I needed to make some major changes. So, for about a year, I prayed and tried to work that program. I learned a lot about myself but in the process of self-realization, I was learning that I had to take responsibility for my actions, and that's where it was getting really difficult for me. I underwent a knee surgery in April 2007 that further incapacitated me. I walked with a walker through July, and continued to gain weight.

I was miserable, but continued to pray for help. I was suffering physically and financially. My daughter Amie was going through a hard time, also, and was asking the Lord for another baby. In the October 2007 General Conference we heard a promise in the talk "Claim the Exceeding Great and Precious Promises". In that talk, Spencer J. Condie, when relating the story of how Rachel wearied the Lord for a child, he said: '“And God remembered Rachel” And just as God remembered Rachel, God will remember you.' That promise struck deep into my heart, and I claimed it for myself and for my daughter.

A break for me came when Lance flew me out to Missouri to visit him and his beautiful family. I hadn't seen the children in 2 years. I was mortified to admit to Lance that he would have to purchase an extra seat for me on the plane. The previous year, a company flew me out to San Diego for a training and when I showed up to check in for the return trip, the ticket agent told me I would have to purchase a second seat because, "Ma'am, you won't fit in only one seat." I had to admit to Lance that I was even bigger now, and I didn't want to be embarrassed in front of strangers if that happened again.

So, Lance, I'm sorry you had to incur that extra cost on my behalf. Once I got there, Lance explained that it was literally "Do or Die time" for me. He said that as an anesthesiologist, he just doesn't see people get to be my age and as big as I got. They die. He told me that every year he kept hearing my empty promises of how I was going to lose weight, and every time he got to see me again, he was disappointed, because I would be even bigger. He told me that he didn't believe that I would actually lose the weight this time either. So Lance, I'm sorry that I broke your sofa AND your trust in me. I want you to believe in me again.

And I still think about how much I made Drew suffer because of my decision to overeat. I learned that he constantly worried whether I would die in my sleep at night cause he could hear my erratic breathing. AND, I constantly hounded him to just go get things for me because it was hard for me to get my fat butt out of a chair or off the sofa. I just kept sitting there... eating more and more... getting fatter and fatter... Just spiralling into a depression that was actually killing me right in front of him. And now I know how cruel it was of me to do that to him. Drew, I am so sorry.

In December 2007, Brother Condie's promise came to fruition. I took a leap of faith and left California to go live with Amie and her family, and Amie was pregnant with Lia. As a side note, her name means "weary" because, like Rachel, Amie wearied the Lord to have her. I have to tell you how much Amie and her wonderful husband Clay have done to promote my weight loss. Clay went on the Atkins Diet with me for moral support and for Christmas, they bought me a membership at Georgia Aquatic Center so I could swim and do water aerobics. They have given me not just a roof over my head, but a home, for which I am eternally thankful.

I definitely see the correlation between what my children have done for me and what the Savior did for us all in the Garden of Gethsemanee. Thank you, Drew, Lance, Amie and Clay, and all of my other family, for your love and support. Every time I get in the pool, I thank God for all of you. I pray every time I'm swimming and working out that I will have the stamina, the courage, and the will to continue to make good choices to keep up this program.

To anyone who reads this who needs to make a change in their life, and who may have given up hope that there is a way to accomplish a goal, I extend to you my testimony that God lives, that He hears our pleadings, and that, as He remembered Rachel, He will remember you.